Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I could fuck to npr.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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