I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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