I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
