I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
