You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
