so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
