Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
