She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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