Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
