So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
