This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You ruined the universe
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
