Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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