just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
