i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
