Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
