I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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