Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
