Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
