I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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