I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
