I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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