Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
