She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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