i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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