i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
