Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just pee around me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
