ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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