she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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