The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
