We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are the jesus of drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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