he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
