I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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