I cockslap morals
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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