Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
