haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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