i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize