There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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