Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
