Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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