Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
