I wish I could punch you in the face.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
