wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your penis caused this!
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