im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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