I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
