I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
