I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
