My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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