I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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