Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Sext me about skeletons
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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