he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.