what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?