He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
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I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.