If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?