Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
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Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?