I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
