I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
