I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
