dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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