Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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