Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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