yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
