Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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