phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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