I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
