OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
