We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
